Dear Mr. Jonathan,

How is our Mummy, the Kids, and all other members of the extended First family? We hardly hear from Malam Sambo these days. Hope he's doing well? I he is not, we can perhaps ask the Minister of Finance to add another billion to the 2billion naira the villa gets as kitchen allowance. We want our leaders to always feed well sir.

I would have sent this through post but I neither have your postal address nor the patience for bureaucratic procedures that my letter would have gone through if I had. However, unlike many others, I have decided to desist from making this an open letter. So it has been enclosed in the most unlikely place that Nigerians will find it.

It is now common knowledge that there are people who take pleasure in criticizing everything you do. Don't mind them Mr. President. You and I know that some idiotic elements, even within your "dining" cabal, are trying to make Nigeria ungovernable for you. After all, Nigerians trusted you with their votes. Who knows? By now we would have been enjoying 25hours uninterrupted electricity, if not for our collective enemies.

I know some people will accuse you of knowing these people and not having the political will to prosecute them. Don't mind them sir. Like you, I also believe it is easy to criticize those in power when one has not tasted it. Let them walk a mile in your shoes (I believe you now have a pair sir) and we'll see if they will survive a day.

Lest I forget sir, many have continually blamed you for the activities of Boko Haram in the North. What exactly do they expect you to do? Put on your presidential khaki, pick up a rifle and act "Commando on a one-man mission to Sambisa forest" simply because you are Commander -in-chief of the Armed Forces? Do they remember the last time you walked a mile? Besides, how can you even clearly understand the situation when Aso Rock is far away from the heated region? Your joint chiefs who should keep you posted are embezzling funds and having exquisite dinners with their families in Maitama.

Sir, I wish to bring to your notice that there was a period in human history when kings used to be the best warriors of their lands. They led their people to battle and proudly defended the territorial integrity of their nations. Even though I did not live at the time, I have always thrilled myself to epic movies and books that generously displayed such kingly heroism.

I am one of the very many Nigerians who possess a very weird imagination. Let me share figments of my imagination with you. I have sometimes tried to picture you sir leading a platoon to battle. Please enter into this imaginative world with me.
I see you and your pot-bellied Service Chiefs leading a host of Ministers to Sambisa forest. I hope our Mummy in Aso will let you sir.


And yet they want to blame you...don't mind them sir. Thank God you have continued to show your military prowess from the executive angle by continually "sacking" all military heads who fail to deliver. They think it's easy to rule Nigeria. I'm sure that's why you have decided not to run in 2015. Even if you do choose to run, I'm sure it's because you think you are the best man in the pack. And of course your name is Good luck...and I dare say to Nigeria; "Better luck next time."

God bless you sir, God bless us all, and God bless the Federal Republic of Nigeria.

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